Why Creating a Life Statement Has Helped Me So Much
A personal journey of self-discovery through creating a life statement, exploring the gap between values and actions, and finding clarity in personal identity.
Found this interesting note in my archives: When our daughter, now 1-year-old, was born, I endured many rough patches when self-reflection was not kind to me. I thought I was a family- centric and “family first” man for most of my adult life. However, through the newly added responsibilities of having a baby, I noticed that my professional work and individual leisure activities were where I was putting in the most effort and hours. I was not being a parent or a family- centric man. The gap between my thoughts and actions was evident and shook me to my core. Do I value my books and games more than my family? I didn’t think so. What is going on with me then?
Before our baby girl, I had time to waste; now, I had to choose. Whenever I made these decisions, were they according to my values or to my leisure? Did they align with the man I thought I was? Baby girl made this evident, and thus came my self-esteem issues.
But not all was lost. I’m a good man, I thought to myself. I have to put in the hours. But who am I? If this one thing is not as I thought it was, what other things are not as I think they are? Self-reflection (and therapy) for the win.
I couldn’t figure it out, and I spiraled and struggled. At work, I had a very demanding boss who verbally belittled everybody adjacent to the product we were creating. This behavior deepened my self-doubt, this “holy fuck; I don’t know if I’m even good at this,” and so forth and deeper down the rabbit hole. Until I couldn’t fall anymore, and I told myself, this needs to stop; let’s find out who we are and what life we really want to live. This was the prompt: align your expenditure of energy and time with your values.
This is where a “Mission Statement” document changed my life…
A simple text document, “Mission Statement,” changed my life. This document explains to a fictional audience who I am. This document outlines my core values, secondary values, my paradigms, and my ideals. Anybody who picks it up, and looks at my behavior, should see no gap between potential and actual entities. I should see no gap between what I write and want versus how I behave and respond. This document, of course, is not meant to be read by anybody. Still, one and oneself should take full responsibility for implementing whichever habits one needs to succeed in living a life true to oneself and oneself values. It’s tough, but this is the starting point. Defining the outline of who you are will help you wake the fuck up.
In creating and updating this document, I self-reflect on my actions and, whenever appropriate, identify values and paradigms I wanted but wasn’t implementing via action. And this creates further action. For example, if I want to be a family man, which tactics do I have to commit to, how many hours, and what activities? The same goes for a statement like “I am love for those around me. Especially my wife”. How are my actions supporting this statement?
Again, this document is not meant to be shared. Instead, it’s a document for self-reflection and accountability for yourself. For clarification. For goal setting. So that I can stop lying or manipulating myself and become active; action is, thoughts aren’t. It’s a call to action!
This article was originally published on Medium. I’m sharing it here as part of my journey of self-reflection and growth, hoping it might resonate with others on a similar path.