Notes on Respect

The respect people have treated me since becoming healthy is staggering to me. I feel that I went from being a ghost, somebody who just coasted through life behind the scenes, eyes glued to the ground, always smiling to appear content, docile, and pleasing, to be truthful to my wants and needs and recognized and respected by the people who interact around and with me, whether they like me or not. Respect, to me, is this mutual energy or aura that says, hey, I will treat you with consideration and kindness, even if I disagree with you, and be treated with reciprocity. That energy says, “I will give this my best, whatever it is,” in every interaction. Even in conflict, beware; people will be aware and act accordingly. People understand this and reciprocate in form. It’s beautiful and inspiring. Look for any dictionary definition of ‘respect’ and see how powerful this concept is!

I mentioned ‘becoming healthy; let me define what I mean by this. By healthy, I mean I’m confident and truthful to myself and my values. I value physical strength and agility, so I’ve dedicated at least 10 weekly hours to training. I value mental acuity and self-awareness, so I’ve dedicated years of therapy, studying, meditation, self-regulation practices, and many more to develop my emotional regulation and intelligence. I value kindness, so I treat people accordingly and treat myself with compassion so that I can treat others with heart. And please, do not make the mistake of thinking that kindness is softness or weakness. No. I can kindly ask you to fuck off if I need to. Still, I will show the proper and proportionate levels of cordiality and energy. And on top of that, the cherry on top, I could very much tell you to fuck off with this. Still, I can very much fuck with you on that, not on this, because I’m well aware of how multidimensional we all are. We are all in this together. Respect is something to be practiced and applied in our daily lives; you do it, or you don’t- being disrespectful is genuinely not an option. Golden rule and all.

I am so flawed, too, but my efforts are now seen and met with energy, enthusiasm, and possibly real emotions and ideas or candid feedback. My confidence is seen now. Or not, and that’s ok too. Self-respect and reciprocity change every interaction and enable our confidence to try repeatedly and keep learning and improving, making mistakes, and learning with dignity and awareness. Respect also means apologizing, accepting responsibility, and understanding our part in all of this.

Active listening is yet another thing to be mindful of, as well as how important it is to give attention to those we want attention from. Respect is action, just as love is. How can you say you respect someone without practicing active listening to them? Actively listening to someone is how you show this respect. I’m feeling that, and it’s glorious. Growing up, I felt and thought my parents did not award this to me, and experiencing it now as an adult is like a new horizon or confidence where I can share my ideas; some will be met with disdain, others with positivity, but the efforts from somebody else to go into my ideas and digest, and try to understand, and possibly converse about it, it’s just so lovely. Respect makes it all possible.

All in all, I hear so much noise about respect, but in this society where integrity is lacking, our media and government lie, bloat, obscure, and manipulate us; there’s nowhere to go and see actual respect being practiced. It’s up to us to gain that respect, apply it, reciprocate it, and model it. And being on the receiving end is so refreshing and awe-inspiring.

Food for thought.

This post was originally published on Medium.