Notes On Self-Control
A reflection on the power of self-control, curiosity, and value-based decision making in personal growth and emotional regulation.
Self-control and curiosity are vessels for growth and peace. This world wants everything from us: our health, our attention, our wealth, and our time. It’s such a hassle, and it’s hard. But hope is not lost; on the contrary, that epiphany moment one realizes that all one has to do is plant our feet, relax our arms, and take a deep breath, then another one, and another one, and as we ground ourselves in ourselves, and our emotions regulate. The clarity seeps in, and we can understand what is wanted for us and what is required from us to take the next step, do nothing, or utter the next words within the boundaries of our values.
Slowing down gives us the ability to steer correctly. Self-control moments allow us to become consistent with this value-based decision-making, and curiosity lets us understand ourselves, the whys and hows.
I feel hungry; am I starving? I just had a box of these snacks. What is going on with me? Why I’m feeling hungry? Why? Why? But why? Oh, I’m actually bored. I’m so angry at Betty. Why? Why? Why? But why? I’m incensed, but not at Betty; I’m sore because I was not firm on setting my boundaries and applying them. I need these new basketball shoes, I’m headed to the mall. Wizards, do you really want more sneakers? Look in the closet; you have many shoes that ball hard. But they don’t have a grip. Why? Why? Could you play outside with these? Yeah, just not inside. Ah, ok, are there cheaper alternatives? Can you hit the outlets? Why? Why? So yes, you can get the more affordable options. Do I go out and get wasted with my friends? Why? Why? What is it that you want to achieve? Why? Why? Oh, I can go out with my friends, but I don’t have to get blacked out drunk. I can stay in now thinking about this with a calmer mind.
Impulsivity is interesting. We could harness it to become much more joyful and spontaneous, but if we don’t shoulder-check these impulses first, they will hinder our growth and become our antagonizers. The practice of self-control, the curiosity and understanding of oneself’s impulses and desires, and the knowledge of what the world wants from us let us become disciplined in this value-based decision-making, where we act according to what is actually essential for us.
Surprisingly (is it?), value-based decision-making makes me feel free, happy, joyful, insufferable, effective, and improved. The discipline it takes to be this way also makes me feel powerful. We are so powerful; we just have to practice and take our power with our bare hearts, minds, and consciousness.
This post was originally published on Medium.