Reflections From a Tough Weekend
A raw and honest reflection on processing emotional pain, self-healing, and the journey towards emotional wellbeing.
I wrote this on April 10, 2023, to regulate painful emotions.
My brain and senses bombarded me this weekend, and today our brain is processing all this noise. These are the ideas:
- We are going through some loneliness, and it fucking hurts. Cry it out. I know that my life is my responsibility. We can only reap what we sow. Be better.
- I’m going through a deep self-inflicted wound in the heart, and I’m trying not to bleed out emotionally. Feel and process it.
- The strongest beings we know are ultra-kind. Be kind to yourself and others around you. Be strong.
- Waking up from my emotional coma felt hard, but; today feels harder. Be stronger. Weekly therapy with humility and honesty is helping us the most.
- The near future will take up a totality of your power and energy. Let’s get ready for this. Go to bed early. Keep up with the wholefoods.
- All of this is to gain a present and future without emotional abuse. I need to do this. I need to stop the generational bleeding. I need to prevent any additional bruising and unhealthy conflict. I need to use my strength to get away from all of these toxic relationships.
- My wounds are healing, and my will is stubborn, but I am alone walking this path. I’m atoning for my past inaction and letting others control my life. Fuck.
Even when I am telling this person explicitly and with simple words, explaining the what, why, and when of what I think is emotional abuse, you seem to choose to be blind and shut me down. It’s so hurtful, but I will get through this. Your mouth says you love me, but your actions tell me I don’t matter — you won’t even acknowledge how I feel. Your actions are deafening.
There’s nothing as hurtful as talking candidly and openly about how I feel and what matters to me with your emotional abuser. They will tell you it’s the other way around. They will tell you how you are projecting. They will tell you how nothing you are making makes sense. They will tell you your therapist doesn’t know jack shit and that all the help you have, all the effort, and all the work you have put in are worthless. These fucking takers will take and take and take and take until there’s nothing left of you. How can these emotional vampires lack such self-awareness? When will you stop taking?! Please stop; I need myself.
You got this. One day at a time.
This post was originally published on Medium.