Some Notes on Overcoming Emotional Pain
A personal reflection on dealing with emotional pain, accountability, and personal growth through challenging times.
I’ve been through tons of emotional and physical pain this last weekend. Being away from my daughter physically hurts my chest, it seems. Somatization? Possibly. I had to accept — which was the source of my hurt — that this is my responsibility, this is the result of my actions and my inactions, and I’m accountable for what is my life today. So I radically accept it and make myself responsible for what happens right in this instant and next. Let’s get it. These are challenges we will surpass; I tell myself this every day. I have that power, and I’m making it happen — so far.
It hurt; I felt like a failure like I lost a 10-year battle and spent hours thinking and overthinking in the shower, hot water, cold water, crying, letting it all out, “like a baby.” It felt so good. It’s a pain that sheds weaker emotional skin and generates new character traits. I’m noticing these changes in my behavior. Sometimes these changes I’m applying daily result in a hug, a compliment, or some pretty cool and random experience.
The way I see it now, I regret living life the way I did, and in that sense, I’m grateful for these teachings, which led me to be who I am today. Regret is a good teacher, along with understanding the value of humility and learning from one’s mistakes, this combination makes you so powerful, or so I’ve learned recently. The more I learn about power and strength, the more I understand that kindness and restraint are the most demanding power to master. The ultimate strength is kindness.
How do I practice these values, you ask? I limit my scope of activities and set myself some guardrails and rules. Now I’m focusing only on a few things and values so that I don’t have too much on my plate:
- working (income generation)
- sleeping at least 8 hours a day (energy generation)
- exercising (health)
- homemade cooking (health)
- therapy (health)
- playing basketball (socialization & health)
- parenting my son (love)
- co-parenting my daughter (love)
- reading (learning)
- relaxing (regeneration)
The way I see it, I’ve been told time heals all wounds, so I will only focus on these things and stay healthy and focused on spending my time according to my values. Accountability is a power that we all have. The ability to own how we live our lives, make decisions, procrastinate, lie, cheat, whatever it is that you do, you are responsible and are responsible for what happens to you and from you. Understanding this and being aware of this responsibility is a gift — this power. I didn’t know about it until recently, and I regret it, so I’m making up for it — hopefully, I’m not being that extreme with myself. It’s a painful process but worth it. So I guess that the “no pain, no pain” quote is legit. Anyways… I imagine I will get used to it eventually, but I’m sure co-parenting will kick my ass.
This post was originally published on Medium.